Blast from the past: How your inner child wounds wrecks havoc in your adult life.
While most of us may be busy with our jobs and commitments, how often do we take the time to cultivate a relationship with the inner child? Or had we neglected it? Had we forgotten to realize that we were once ever a child in our lives? Ever wondered why sometimes we made really poor choices in life? Self-sabotaging ourselves, or had felt that we had forgotten about ourselves when we get into a new relationship? Could it all stem from an unresolved old inner child wound or trauma that’s resurfacing? In this newsletter, we will share about the inner child within us and the types of childhood traumas we may have encountered in the past.
“The emotional wounds and negative patterns of childhood often manifest as mental conflicts, emotional drama, and unexplained pains in adulthood.” ~Unknown
What is the inner child?
When growing up, we may have picked up messages from the people and environment around us before our conscious mind could fully rationalize and process a situation mentally and emotionally. The inner child is the subconscious part of your psyche which retains the childlike aspects of ourselves as well as the qualities about ourselves when we were once innocent as a child. It’s the part of ourselves that retains its innocence, creativity, memories, hopes, joy, awe, and wonder as well as our needs from our childhood. The inner child can recall the good experiences as well as the childhood fears, traumas, neglect, and loss when experienced as a child.
What is inner child work?
Inner child work, also known as inner child healing, is a trauma-informed approach to working with people who have experienced various formed of trauma, abuse, and neglect earlier in their lives within or outside the family. Doing inner child work is a way where we could address our unmet needs when we were a child and heal the attachment wounds we may have developed in the past.
Inner child work is a framework that blends various theories and therapies which include: attachment theory, somatic (or body-based) therapies, Jungian Shadow work, Internal Family Systems, and psychodynamic theories. Many of these theories and therapy frameworks are rooted in the idea that our past influences and affects the present and that the body holds unconscious wisdom for new connections to be made within.
Why is inner child healing important?
As we grow into adults, many of us may be walking around with arrows stuck on our backs, carrying the wounds from our childhood whether it is the trauma, emotional neglect, or the physical abuse we experienced while growing up as a child. Most of us would repress them as other grown-ups would do.
To heal the inner child is to remind ourselves that we’re neither wrong nor bad. It is to validate ourselves that it is okay to have feelings about the situations in the past. To heal the shame from having those feelings.
By connecting with our inner child to validate the pain and wounds of the past without judgment, it helps us address our emotions and emotional needs in the present. By healing it, we create the safety and security our younger selves have always needed which will help to nurture our natural gifts, inner curiosity, creativity, and our limitless capacity to love. In contrast, when we avoid addressing our past trauma and wounds, neglecting them, they could transform into behaviors that are both destructive to ourselves and to the environment that is around us. Behaviors involved alcoholism, racism, workaholism, narcissism, etc…
Signs of a wounded inner child
There are many ways in which a childhood wound can appear and manifest in our adult lives. Below are some of the signs that you may have a wounded inner child that needs healing.
- Feelings of anxiety and fear whenever thinking about doing something new.
- Struggle to say “no” and set healthy boundaries with others around you.
- Feelings of shame and guilt. Feeling that there’s something terribly wrong with ourselves deeply.
- Feeling inadequate and feeling that you are not good enough.
- Driven to always be a super-achiever, trying to be perfect with the inability to handle failure.
- Often feeling self-critical about ourselves and negative self-talk.
- Self-sabotage, obsessive behaviors, and addictions to something.
- Chronic overworking, being a workaholic. The need to achieve in order to get approval or a feeling of belonging.
- Being a people pleaser, feeling more responsible for others other than yourself.
- Feeling ashamed of expressing strong emotions such as anger or sadness.
- Unhealthy relationship patterns, avoiding relationships, and love.
- Fear of abandonment. To do anything to cling to a relationship.
Reconnecting with the inner child
To reconnect with our inner child, we first acknowledge its presence within us to learn to listen and communicate in the language in which a child would, which is sensory and somatic-based. The child would express itself and wants through body language, and intuitive sounds rather than speaking in full sentences. Much of reconnecting with our inner child involves activities that engaged the full spectrum of our senses. In this case, you would want to “do first and think later” like how a child would.
Writing a letter
Letters are a lovely way to begin a dialogue with your inner child. You might want to write a letter to your inner child as your adult self or can imagine yourself embodying the inner child and write it to your adult self. It is similar to how you would write a letter to your future self. You might want to write about your childhood memories, the things you love to do, you can talk about your experiences when you were a child, your favourite toy or cartoon on TV, the list goes on and on. Pretty much anything that you want to discuss under the sun and moon.
By writing a letter, you would want to revisit and reframe those past memories to get a better perspective and understanding as to what and why something happened in the past, to comfort and soothe some of the pain that lingers. This time around, imagine your adult self and your inner child being on the same team together, watching a cinema reel of the past giving a commentary of an event that had happened when you were a child.
A few questions to start with:
- How do you feel?
- How can I support you?
- What do you need from me?
Be creative. Get Artsy Fartsy!
Could you remember the last time you painted, build something, draw, or doodle? Maybe you like to cook or bake? Do you love animals when you are a child? Do you love gardening? What about arts and crafts while getting your hands dirty with the glue? Doing what we love, enjoy, and are passionate about connects us back to the inner child within us.
Collect something.
Could you remember the last time you collected something? Stamps, postcards, rocks, seashells, cards? I remember I used to collect postcards and cards. I still do today! Maybe you have a bucket list of things that you want to complete or a checklist of items to collect. It’s never too late to get started. It’s not always about completing a collection, it will be wonderful if you do, it’s the pursuit of finding the things that you want to collect. It’s the thrill of it that connects us back to the inner child within us. Think of something that you had always wanted to collect in the past. Hmm… perhaps it might be owning a Charizard Pokémon card or owning a whole series of your favourite comic books.
Final thoughts
As unresolved childhood trauma can lead to many problems and complications in our adult life, I hope that sharing this may help you shed some light to understand and discover the inner child within us. Do not underestimate the power that the inner child has over you. For us to reach and achieve our highest potential, it’s good to first work on the foundation that had built us to where we are right now. A skyscraper can’t sustain to stand for so long if it has a weak foundation.
Leave a comment below to share with others about the hobbies and interest that you love when you were a child.
❤ Enjoyed my work? You can show your support by Buying me a coffee to show some love. Or you could subscribe to my weekly newsletter for more similar content like this from me. Thanks for the support, friend!
p.s. if you’re new on here, consider joining Medium.com. You’ll gain access to so many articles from me and other awesome writers alike for only $5/mo.⬇
